pastor standSomething happened this week. And as you would guess, I ringed Kageshi straightaway to have her opinion. She baptised me with endless laughter until I was like;

Andreaders should know about this. By the way, Andreaders refers to you and you and you that checks on my blog devotedly.

Great. Can we move on?

I got to the house one evening and even before I dropped-dead on the couch out of a day’s fatigue, decided to check on my Mama Mboga for some items. I had to wait for kindu 10 minutes since I didn’t want the juggle of going to and fro the house. So I patiently waited for my turn.

Meanwhile, Mama Mboga alerted me of her Pastor/Overseer/Bishop/Man of god quite a distance, making his way to her kibanda. She looked disturbed and even got pensive. From where I sat, I didn’t make anything unusual of a pastor passing by.

Probably he was making his home, you know? I thought. Haha. I was very wrong.

It appeared the pasi was deliberately making his way to this particular vendor. Why so? You won’t believe. Apparently Mama Mboga worships in his church and why this pastor was here, was for the reason that Mama Mboga had not been seen in church for a couple of Sundays including Easter time. In other words, the pasi was coming to look for a lost sheep. There was no way this church leader would watch his sheep flee away having succumbed to the ‘world’. He was here to denounce this bad spirit that was wobbling around his hard-to-gather flock. It was simply unacceptable.

Interestingly, I found myself in this unfolding melee and mission bring-back-our-sheep. God had placed me in the center of this crossroad. My God has a sense of humour. In fact I asked Him, seriously, God? You need me to write about this? And His angel that he has always directed to oversee my moves since I was in my mother’s womb and who often than not, let him down in my humanly moves; sorry Angel…conveyed a message that yes this would make a good piece.

Not for long, the pasi had already made his way to this not so ordinary kibanda. In fact, he announced his arrival by taking his time to have a word with the half a dozen playful kids next to the vendor. By now, he had stolen the show. Mama Mboga and I were reduced to flower girls smiling unrelentingly, nodding to his every word and sometimes clapping for him.

That done, he made two steps forward to where I was and immediately inquired my name putting on a charming face. You know of pastors when they want to understand which side of the clothing you were made from. Like, are you friendly, humble, intelligent, inquisitive, poachable, bla bla. They make these calculations very fast. This happens the moment they firmly shake your hands while posing a question and when you start responding to them. Pastors and psychologists are one and the same. They can tell who you are even before you open your mouth.

This is how it rolled;

What is your name sir!

While taking my time……Andrew.

Ooh Andrew the disciple of Jesus (chuckling)

It was long since I last had that…..Yes.

Who do you work for?

That offended me. Here was a guy whom I hadn’t met before, pestering me with such questions while he hadn’t introduced himself to me in the first place. I thought of lying to him…..I did exactly that. I lied to him I work in one of the local banks in town.

Which bank?

I mentioned the bank.

Aah, I was the first person to open a bank account in that place, back in 2010.

My mind was like; that was not necessary!

Did you know of the very first Branch Manager (insert name)?

Appearing clueless, 2010 was a long time ago. I was in college.

He was a great manager. Who is the current manager??

That got me flat footed. Why did I lie to a man of god. I would have saved myself this trouble….. aaaaaah Mr. Musyoka. (Where the hell did I get that name.) 


My face saved me. He believed me.

He moved to the poor Mama Mboga who by now was almost panicking. You know those pasis who roam around like public schools headmasters. Okay, I mean when headmasters were the real thing. When they were the only fellows who owned cars back in the day. And why was it that nothing would take away their love for the brown bottle? They would religiously frequent the bar next to the school than they would visit a class. And they commanded such tremendous respect. Wow! This pastor was throwing such an attitude. How did I find myself in this upheaval!!

After the pasi exchanged pleasantries with the Mama Mboga, I met my shocker. He made the Mama stop whatever she was doing and also requested me to check on her kibanda as they made their way to her house for a few minutes. I was made to guard this kibanda. You should have seen how confused I was, wondering how to react to this defeating shocker. Hail Mother Mary, I sighed. This was one big joke. From what I understood, he was checking to her house for a few minutes to tame this sheep that had shown signs of fleeing from the rest of the flock.  Why the house now, especially when his kondoo was busy attending to her customers? Don’t forget that he prayed for us even before shaking our hands.

A customer was turned to a guard for minutes that dragged on and on. I would touch the shock on me. Seriously, who does that? Okay, the mama had failed to appear in your church for several days and there was a prudent reason to visit her and find out what was happening. But again, wisdom has it that someone got to appreciate where his/her rights begin and end. The moment they start encroaching on the other person’s rights, then you got to stop. I was the other person in this situation. Not giving a damn on the lost and found sheep. I was here to have some stuff prepared for me to have supper. Whether this Mama had not shown up in church for some time now, was none of my business.

With all due respect to genuine men of God who do all they can to spread the Gospel and instill solid Christianity values, appearing too overzealous to an extent of being disruptive can be self-defeating and in actual sense negate the very essence of their mission. It was very disrespectful for the purported pastor to halt all that was happening at this vendor and even daring to drag this mama to her house for God knows what and leave stranded clients in waiting. I hope Kageshi won’t drag in a wannabe pasi to our house at odd hours for a cup of tea and a plate of omelette that is ostensibly never served to me.

Radicalisation does not only happen in matters terrorism but also in cases where Christians make church leaders command extreme authority and appear to behave like demigods.


2 thoughts on “WHAT BECAME OF ‘PASTORS’

Add yours

  1. This article made my day. It will also remind you that you once a customer and within no time promoted to be a kibanda guard haaaaaa…To Kageshi..Take warning not to welcome any pastor in unusual time!!!!!!!!!!..

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