“……..Take me on a date; I deserve it, babe; And don’t forget the flowers every anniversary
‘Cause if you’ll treat me right; I’ll be the perfect wife; Buying groceries; Buy-buying what you need
You got that 9 to 5; But, baby, so do I; So don’t be thinking I’ll be home and baking apple pies
I never learned to cook; But I can write a hook; Sing along with me; Sing-sing along with me (hey)….”
You are familiar to the lyrics of Future Husband by Meghan Trainor. An awesome song it is. It played randomly one of my indoors days and my spirits came alive. And I was like, wait! Future husband…mmmh I should pen about Future Wife. An idea was born. Here it is.
To start with, Future Wife, time is of the essence. Your indecision is costing me, big time. It’s making me feel stagnant and impatient. Its creating a hearth of quiet pressure, disseminating from likely and unlikely quarters. This stalemate I hate to be in, has ushered unwelcomed ‘advisors’ with no legacy to hold on. I’m tired of playing all nice & merry, and smiling like a bride to hide my uneasy heart. (Brides smile for 8 straight hours, gosh!) Your decision holds my fate. Make it pretty fast.
Let’s compare notes and see if you meet this criteria of the so called envisions of my life. Fast and foremost; I’m a sucker for big personalities. You better be a walking brand that brings warmth and colour to life. You can’t afford to be a humble wife. I’ll hate it when you are afraid of disagreeing with me. Arguments and disagreements keep couples on check. Constructive criticism comes from people who have a whole bank of wisdom and an invaluable personality. Please be that woman, who will call me for a cease fire and be like; “Babe you are drinking too much” or “I’m dragging you to church today, no excuses”. Now that’s my woman. Who never shies from saying, “Hun whatever you’re doing is wrong!”
Future Wife, promise you’ll give me two sweet daughters, namely Annabelle and Abigail. And together, will invest time and prayers to see them grow to beautiful, confident and ambitious women who’ll settle for nothing less. That you’ll join me in creating a beautiful world around them that will bore great dreams to these sweet things. So big and intimidating. Promise; you’ll make me loathe being away from home after 7pm. Missing that tea just meant for me, served when dinner is just about to be prepared, will leave me guilty and unbecoming. Kindly see to it, it becomes that bad. I pray your meals will heal a day’s wound and tribulations. Its needless to allude that you need to be an awesome cook. You’ll raise the bar so high that I’ll be lost in guessing what you’ll cook in a given day. I foolishly harbour thoughts of literally running from the bedroom to find out what’s cooking in the kitchen, having been triggered by aromatic smells.
I pray that your wisdom will be pegged from the bible and more importantly that you’ll instill to our two daughters the habit of reading and reflecting on bible teachings. All men desire such women. Praying together as we gather at the dinner table will become our untold ritual. I hope you’ll join my church’s Young Mothers Association soon after our first kid comes to life. And from there your wisdom will be sharpened further apart from developing new friendships that will mould you and our family holistically. I hope you’ll watch over your weight as time passes by. Fit women are precious. I know you get the drift. I’m also scared of spending years watching over your calories and ‘portions’ (God knows what’s that) and calling for a party, when you lose 1 kg. I’m not ready for that kind of torture.
In case you turn out to be a literature freak or something like an art enthusiast; I’ll be so overburdened to be grateful to your family and to God. Realising that you read widely, wildly and sometimes do a bit of writing, will literally make me fall for you every day of our marriage. Delegating some of my projects to you will be my joy. I’m talking of you editing my work for a book that will have drained every part of me and taken years to compile. That will be so sweet.
Assure me that we’ll have the same taste of music. Music is so huge in my life that its the first thing I crave for at 6:35am. I ceased being a morning person, I enjoy sleeping late. I know by the time I wake up some of you will have spent 30 minutes on traffic pulling those lost faces, that make you think of your poor state of life, your boss’s demands and unrealised family expectations. Future Wife, finding you singing my favourite song will shred my age, stop my receding hairline and make me 2 years younger.
Bonding with your mother in law which in this case will be my mum, is an experience I hope to witness. My mum is very social and breaks ice very fast. Expect to hold a 3 hour conversation with her after 9pm as you sip tea and occasionally attending to the jiko. Upcountry (Note I didn’t refer home as shags. Shags means remote and undeveloped) is very cold at night. Thank me later for the heads up.
Being an art person, I’m sure you’ll adore photography and get fond of this Canon camera similar to that of my buddy, Paul of the mathaigallery.blogspot.co.ke (He’s a professional photographer), which arguably will be the best gift I’ll have ever surprised you with. You’ll stop me in the middle of the road while we embark on a road trip, to capture this photogenic piece of God’s creation somewhere in Samburu. I have a soft spot for art, forgive me. Science detested me, no hard feelings though.
Ambushing me for wearing the wrong tie for the right suit will do a lot of justice. Please promise to critic my dressing and expect the same from me. I don’t want to delve on the ‘intellectual’ aspect. I’m yet to know or care whether am an intellect.
Future Wife; I hope i didn’t maim or kill a piece of you. See you sooner.