Finally you caved in to your family’s pressure. From your siblings constants reminders, to your uncles who demand to know why hujapata mtu. (why you haven’t found a suitor). When you last visited your mum, she was like; last weekend we attended Njoroge’s wedding. Njoroge was your deskmate in primary school. She went ahead to allude how beautiful the wedding was. To start with, you were unawares that Njoroge had a wedding. You have not met Njoroge since the KCPE photo session over 10 years ago. Your mum in other words, is insinuating time is running out. You dislike her for a second, you fill misjudged. You hate the world.
All this layers of perennial criticism become heavy on you. You give in. Remember you had vowed to your friends you’ll marry when you hit 30. After you’re done with your masters class. After fully servicing your car loan. Soon after buying and fencing your ka – plot somewhere in Isinya. Not that you’ll settle there, its an investment. Its courtesy of stubborn advices from your elder siblings and cousins, who are always like, mwanaume ni ka shamba. That you need to invest your money wisely before you marry. Because once in that stage, it will never be easy. Problems will include fighting for the remote, as she will insist on watching Have and Haves Not, while you wouldn’t contemplate missing out JKL interview, as Jeff hosts The Larry Madowo.
You have this lady whom you’ve dated for eight months now. And she seems she can ‘handle you’. Apart from her pestering with questions like, babes uko! and occasionally going quarantine for 2 days after prolonging time with your boys watching football. She normally expects you to be back after 2 hours only for you to add 8 more. Nevertheless, she seems like she has enough shocks to handle your erratic behaviors. She is loyal but not submissive. She picks on simple responses from you and it turns to serious arguments. However, looking at the emotional investment and challenges you two have weathered, the devil in you convinces you to propose to her. In any case, she has spoilt you with many gifts until you lost count.
You invite her for dinner one evening, and the proposal goes down well. That’s one of your few achievements with her. What you don’t know, is that she understands you are not a spontaneous man. In fact she read your mind since you conceived the thought of proposing to her. You know of these ladies who go through your phone book and go deleting potential mpango wa kandos( Your colleagues’ sisters and that charming waiter who makes you feel like a man after days of hurled words by your one week old wife). How you ended up having their phone numbers is a million dollar question she is pursuing. In fact before you know, she is stalking all your movements from Facebook to Instagram. You randomly take her phone to call somebody as your phone is without units and m-pesa is undergoing maintenance. You’ re tempted to navigate to her gallery after that phone call only to meet faces familiar to you. You’ re surprised and scared at the same time, but aren’t sure how to react lest she’ll dive over your belly to have a look at what seems to fascinate you. Your heart accelerates its beating. You try to join the dots on how you got pinned down. You’re 200% sure those faces and your wife have never met, leave alone them being friends. At least not in this planet. 2 days later it dawns on you that your wife monitors your Whatsapp’s chats and records some phone numbers for subsequent investigations.
Soon, your marriage is in shambles. This is the story. The dowry budget went over the roof after her damn uncles ‘extorted’ you. You haven’t recovered from that ordeal, of watching your hard earned money go by the wind. You decide to punish her by scrapping off the marriage plans. In retrospect you realise, your wisdom was the beginning of your downfall. This particular decision opened a can of worms. Worms that left nobody standing in that marriage. Arguments commenced from then. The chemistry vanished. The humour, the hearty laughter, and bed night stories took to their heels. You felt lonely in this so called marriage. You were in a web that held you captive. Your wife turned to a monster. A monster that was now threatening your very existence.. You had never considered throwing in the towel. But now thoughts of you running away from your wife seem palatable. Before you know, your wife drops the bombshell that the two of you need some space. That space eventually came and sealed your fate. Its one month now and you seem to savour your freedom.
Your task now is to manage the torment you’ve caused to your family….To be continued ..really!