ONE UNWRITTEN RULE FOR MEN

bblI’m sipping something cold, in the safe company of some good friends, in one of the coolest and most trendy hiding place around. The ambiance is incredible and the D.J has a taste for good music. It’s a few minutes after watching a thrilling football match; Arsenal demolishing a poor West Ham. By the way, football pundits would be in consensus with me when I dare to suggest, Arsenal seems to be more of a threat to Chelsea than Man City is.

This transpired last week. Interestingly, a friend in the table (a chiq), pointed out, that what Arsenal has, are good looking guys, only. I laughed about it but moved on swiftly. Once in a while I stumble on similar, mean, typical Arsenal sadists. I avoid commenting on such storos. My problem started when a male friend shot up to affirm what that lady had put across .I was taken aback. It’s an abomination for somebody who grows beards to support such a conversation, regardless of which side of the divide he belongs to. As you would imagine, the conversation was not to end soon, especially when people are under the influence. I have never been more disturbed.

I firmly believe it’s unacceptable for a chap to describe another guy as good looking. I recall my friend compelling me to explain what’s the harm when a man appreciates another man’s looks. Well, I would be very uncomfortable uttering such words. My tongue would betray me; I wouldn’t forgive a slip of the tongue. It’s so gayish. Rolls eyes! Am sure you saw it coming. In a man’s kingdom, it’s atrocious to use such phrases. Please learn to keep them to yourselves.

This guy would continue to query, if I can describe my son as handsome. I nodded with an affirmative yes. So long us is my son, I’ve no inhibition! That’s where the complications began. It’s okay for a man to feel good in describing what he has sired, but not another man’s product. Not in this planet. Not from Andrew the son of Wambugu. No. The imagination is disgusting to say the least. Men are only observant when it comes to the other gender; otherwise we’re mechanical human beings, who would pay no attention to fellow men looks. That’s how I was socialized. Forgive me.

20 years from now, I hope my son that is, if I will ever have one, will not introduce me to his friends as handsome. I beg not to be introduced as such anytime of my life by a man. Men who use such like phrases should be ferried to the hills of Murang’a County to face our gods. Here they would be smeared with raw cow dung as they sing to Gikuyu folk songs, pleading with the ancestors to pardon them for ‘ashaming’ fellow men. It’s that serious.

From a man’s perspective, we should only use that word to describe small boys; otherwise we should leave our sisters and girlfriends to give life to those words, not xy chromosomes. Our energies should be directed to the opposite gender; for anything that has to do with those mellow, sweet words. For females it’s different. They relate so easily. They are more endearing and hospitable to each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if ladies showered together. We heard those tales in high school. They even hug and kiss each other fondly. I have spotted many holding and wagging hands and in that situation, I look away.

Men are like steel. They’re mechanical. They have ego. They’re not clumsy. We don’t bend that easily. That shouldn’t be construed to conclude am despising the female gender.  I’m just pointing out one unwritten rule, handsome is not a word meant to be used by males, leave it to the ladies. Sorry, if I provoked your ethos.

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