gggado“Women were created to be loved not abused. Any man who abuses women is ignorant, insecure and weak. Real men protect women.” Beautiful words from the late Myles Munroe, may the Lord rest his soul in eternal peace. I must reckon with all women across the country (Kenya), this has been a low and tough week for you. Its disturbing, saddening, annoying and unfortunate in the year 2015, for men to still view women with ‘sex tool lenses.’

Somebody on my twitter timeline raised an interesting fact; he was like, “as men, we’re more privileged, in that we’re more ‘safe’, from sexual assault. Don’t let this privilege make you ignorant of women challenges.” Its a sad reality, when females walk while turning round just to confirm who is behind them. If our mothers, sisters, female friends and colleagues are insecure, then the society has shot itself on the foot.

What we are experiencing, are stubborn and time barred ideologies of a patriarchal society, where men are still viewed as small gods, thereby running around with all manner of impunity, just because they are men. Being born a male comes with responsibilities, and the responsibilities don’t include sexual belligerence. Chivalry is so dead, at least by what is being projected by men from all corners of the country, poor and rich, educated or not in the man kingdom.

Tolerance of rapists and males who defile young girls is the worst tragedy of our times. How families are bribed to ‘calm down,’ when one of their own goes through the anguish, is even more painful. Women in this country have come along way. Time have come, for men to respect women as equal stakeholders in the institution of life. The chicken have come home to roost, whether we strip or rape them, we cant reverse this river’s trajectory. The gains made on upholding women values can’t be washed or wished away by few egoistic male chauvinists. Men must learn to respect and protect women around them. This cant be emphasized further.

This week alone, I have counted over 5 cases of defilement and rape, reported in the news. I shudder to imagine many more cases that go unreported. Of women battling stigma, shock and dirt of mindless delinquents. This comes hot in the heels after touts suddenly imagined they could be our moral police and compass. Just when we had started to heal, more bold reports from quarters you would be forgiven to contemplate, that would perpetrate atrocities against women, found their way to the newsrooms.

When an MP hops a plane for a house committee trip abroad and all he does is to salivate over a female colleague, even going to an extent of blocking her way in a hotel room, is a a very sad affair. And while you digest that, another MP is accused of allegedly raping a communication consultant in his office after forcefully ordering for a HIV test on her; am lost for words.

While at it, you hear of a 5 year old girl who was defiled and beheaded somewhere in Nyeri County. And before then, a man is charged in Embu for helping a neighbour defile a girl. Embu County is very notorious with rape cases. The same week you come across news of boys in Marakwet County accused of gang raping girls. Many more cases go reported , the same week. You lose count but not before you learn of a 42 year old man in Nakuru County, who was sentenced for 75 years this month, for raping and infecting his daughter with HIV.

For how long will the female gender suffer in the hands of unashamed men, with an untamed titillating desire? Why do we look away when disdainful men piddle over our values? Men who behave far worse than a male mule?  I salute and celebrate women who’ve surmounted the ordeal of rape, who can’t be crushed no matter what. Have a safe week, dear reader. To you rapists, columnist Ciku Muiruiri would ask you, who is your mother?



bblI’m sipping something cold, in the safe company of some good friends, in one of the coolest and most trendy hiding place around. The ambiance is incredible and the D.J has a taste for good music. It’s a few minutes after watching a thrilling football match; Arsenal demolishing a poor West Ham. By the way, football pundits would be in consensus with me when I dare to suggest, Arsenal seems to be more of a threat to Chelsea than Man City is.

This transpired last week. Interestingly, a friend in the table (a chiq), pointed out, that what Arsenal has, are good looking guys, only. I laughed about it but moved on swiftly. Once in a while I stumble on similar, mean, typical Arsenal sadists. I avoid commenting on such storos. My problem started when a male friend shot up to affirm what that lady had put across .I was taken aback. It’s an abomination for somebody who grows beards to support such a conversation, regardless of which side of the divide he belongs to. As you would imagine, the conversation was not to end soon, especially when people are under the influence. I have never been more disturbed.

I firmly believe it’s unacceptable for a chap to describe another guy as good looking. I recall my friend compelling me to explain what’s the harm when a man appreciates another man’s looks. Well, I would be very uncomfortable uttering such words. My tongue would betray me; I wouldn’t forgive a slip of the tongue. It’s so gayish. Rolls eyes! Am sure you saw it coming. In a man’s kingdom, it’s atrocious to use such phrases. Please learn to keep them to yourselves.

This guy would continue to query, if I can describe my son as handsome. I nodded with an affirmative yes. So long us is my son, I’ve no inhibition! That’s where the complications began. It’s okay for a man to feel good in describing what he has sired, but not another man’s product. Not in this planet. Not from Andrew the son of Wambugu. No. The imagination is disgusting to say the least. Men are only observant when it comes to the other gender; otherwise we’re mechanical human beings, who would pay no attention to fellow men looks. That’s how I was socialized. Forgive me.

20 years from now, I hope my son that is, if I will ever have one, will not introduce me to his friends as handsome. I beg not to be introduced as such anytime of my life by a man. Men who use such like phrases should be ferried to the hills of Murang’a County to face our gods. Here they would be smeared with raw cow dung as they sing to Gikuyu folk songs, pleading with the ancestors to pardon them for ‘ashaming’ fellow men. It’s that serious.

From a man’s perspective, we should only use that word to describe small boys; otherwise we should leave our sisters and girlfriends to give life to those words, not xy chromosomes. Our energies should be directed to the opposite gender; for anything that has to do with those mellow, sweet words. For females it’s different. They relate so easily. They are more endearing and hospitable to each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if ladies showered together. We heard those tales in high school. They even hug and kiss each other fondly. I have spotted many holding and wagging hands and in that situation, I look away.

Men are like steel. They’re mechanical. They have ego. They’re not clumsy. We don’t bend that easily. That shouldn’t be construed to conclude am despising the female gender.  I’m just pointing out one unwritten rule, handsome is not a word meant to be used by males, leave it to the ladies. Sorry, if I provoked your ethos.


Death; people fear you,

Some avoid you,

They hide from you,

They tremble any time you pounce,

Death; you make us cry,

You rob us our dear ones before giving a heads up.

Can I make a deal with you, death!

That before I die, I’ll need to have a mother in law,

I’ll need to have two kids.

I’ll need to assist them with their homework,

I’ll need to drop them, at their school gate every day.

Is that much to ask, before I die?

Wait, can I have like seventy more years to live?

To be with my family and take them round the world,

Will you be patient with me, to see my kids marry?

I will be glad if I held my grandchildren!

Mentored them and probably danced with them.

Was I even supposed to be diplomatic with you?

Do you even deserve my courtesy?

Not that you ever apply it anyway, in your dispensation.

I told the right things to the wrong being.

You and I should not have had this conversation.

Let’s meet when my God authorises,

Not earlier, not soon.

That’s a deal. Deal!!

Thank you.


mmmTwo weeks ago, I was scheduled for a meeting in the city and toyed with idea of waking up early as opposed to travelling on a weekend. Yet I would have had enough time to rest and recoup from fatigue of a 3 hour journey on not so cosy seats. Am one those guys who shudder the notion of a sleep over in a friend’s house. I hate bothering people. I dislike inconveniencing souls. Am never that congenial. Is it just me who detests the idea of spending a long night in a ‘relas’ apartment. No pun intended. Am just saying.

So, after much deliberations with my intuition, I resolved to wake up early on that very cold morning. Nowadays the temperatures are too low in the morning and too high during the day. Taps almost dry after streams were strangulated by the scorching sun and lots of heat. Anyway, as fate would have it, I was late. Terribly late. The matatu delayed to fill to capacity on time, it being a Monday. I agonised on what would transpire on the other end when I arrived behindhand. Luckily, I was meeting easy lads. I was smart enough to inform them I’d be late even before I commenced the journey.

My experience with a ‘nduthi’ guy was inevitable. I urgently needed to be on the other side of town as soon as I would. The chap I approached didn’t have an extra helmet, not that I needed one. Am familiar to hygiene issues people whine about. But this being Nairobi, where cops and county askaris do impromptu nabs, I had few options. Forgive me for living far away from the city. Belatedly, I don’t understand why I entertained such thoughts. Nairobi is a city where everybody is always in a hurry, even when its not necessary with cops too frustrated to enforce what’s basic. But was I any different? I exploited mediocrity of a lawless city! Am just a man. Anyway, I was in my destination within no time but after enduring two gruesome minutes.

I was shoved from left to right by the many meanders we made, missing a pedestrian or two if its not a side mirror and halting with emergency breaks. The unperturbed rider seemingly skilled in riding with utter impunity, didn’t even warn me what I was poised for. My trebling hands held firmly on the bars beneath. I feared for my bag which was not used to all this madness. We wedged along narrow streets between car lanes in brisk speed, once in a while bumping to souls in equal hurry. We streaked through congested allies, startling strollers with deafening speed and unnecessary hooting. Momentarily, I felt horrendous.

For heaven’s sake why is the economic and financial hub of East and Central Africa juggling and slowly accepting the use of boda boda means of transport in Nairobi, in 2015? For how long will Nairobi residents stomach Kidero’s empty promises two years down the line. Traffic is becoming worse by the day as talk shop recur on how to unlock the riddle of Nairobi traffic. Annually Nairobi loses sh.85 billion on cost of time squandered in traffic. The idea of County and National government freezing P.S.V licences is not only knee jerk but myopic and self centered. Private cars occupy over 70% of Nairobi roads.

Expanding the roads, doing away with roundabouts and cowboy contractors will save Nairobi. A case in point are people who work or dwell in Upper Hill. They’ve had to bear with bad roads and dust in this strategic hub of Nairobi, for close to 4 years now, sadly due to slow progress of road construction. Government needs to take charge of transport in Nairobi to convince motorists to leave their cars at home. Otherwise will be left with no choice of opting for the reckless nduthi guys who only care about money and time. Nai ni ya nani? Muthoni D.Q ask them.


ffMy good friend; you different,

You loyal, you real, you smart,

You do you! I got you,

I appreciate you.


You lend me your ear anytime I need it,

I share my dreams and fears with you,

You tell me about your family,

Your childhood. You disclose to me your struggles,

You’re a motivator, you’re brave,

You’re awesome.


You return so many favours,

We laugh and cry together,

We surmount mean rumours,

Their envy oils our friendship

We overlook snitches, sadists,

And scorning eyes.

When they invade our beautiful world.


We take a bullet on behalf of each other,

We stare each other on the face all long,

We ‘treat’ each other,

We surprise each other,

We speak one language, ask Drake!


Our friendship has defied distance and time.

Spanning years and surviving life hiccups.

We laugh our hearts out when we meet,

In our usual rendezvous,

Where we gulp down, sweet wine,

As we recall the fond memories.


We’re epic, we’re unapologetic,

We break rules and conventions, we’re bold,

We don’t need approvals!








nn3The pact between Kenya and UK which allows British troops to train in Kenya is at stake. In fact the agreement expires next month (April) if not renewed. U.K believes Kenya has good terrain to harden its soldiers in readiness for tougher tasks like engaging in Afghanistan and Iran wars. That was the objective, ideally. But the ground has rather, not so good news. Especially in a town I happen to live in, Nanyuki, 196 kilometers from Nairobi.

It’s a fact that BATUK fondly nicknamed maJonny by the locals, have left a trail of delinquency across two counties that form part of their training ground.  I’m talking of Laikipia and Samburu Counties which have witnessed over 2000 women raped and others sexually manipulated. In this tiny but buzzling town, with an unusual impressive economy statistics, white kids from these army guys are dotted in every corner of the town. Nanyuki also boosts of hundreds of white settlers families whom have consequently turned around upside down, the way of life in this part of Kenya. Young ladies full of life and vigour, comb the streets at night, all week hoping to hit a ‘jackpot.’ Here is a town of deep pocketed whites, who leave the local chaps grappling with the ‘left overs’.

Cohabiting with a white man is a matter of life and death to the native ladies here. Even if it means sleeping with 10 of them to earn good tidings of money, is a popular idea to many of them desperate for quick gains especially from the whites. You may never find them at the local brothels but it doesn’t mean they sin differently, they stalk the so called majonny from social media to befriending the staff that work in their stations. With my simple investigative escapades, I realized 1 out 5 ladies between 19 and 33 years has been in a relationship with a white guy or is married to one, all in pursuit of the elusive cash. These guys take advantage of our naive girls by splashing them with money and taking them to opulent hotels around. One lady alluded to me that these guys will tease you in the streets in the morning, manage to get your phone number after a date promise, sleep with you all night and dump you the following morning.  They’ll stick around, if your personality is interesting, you’re too beautiful and maybe because of your good English. Otherwise for them, it’s all about ‘experimenting.’

You know of these lasses with glowing, free flowing, flawless skin, improvised long hair; ladies call it extension. They have this fake accent and dress in things the length of a handkerchief, just achieving to cover their waist lines. Mind you, they will still insist on sitting down in that thing and sip cappuccino or toss to Johnnie Walker wine. With their bootylicious parts all out and alluring legs, they are good to go. They’ll walk in stilettos taller than them, holding fancy phones and pricey clutches. You’ll always notice their exquisite watches and exaggerated eye brows if they ain’t in their typical prodigious sun glasses. They like it when the winds blow their expensive long hair which their boyfriends’ smoke away in amusement. Men are fascinated by the most trivial things!

You will bump these slim ladies in corridors of bourgeois joints, clinging on their guys’ masculine arms. I have no idea why these white chaps prefer willowy ladies, I would assume there are more ‘fitter’, whatever that is supposed to mean. Complexion for them is not so relevant; actually most will do with dark skins. So ladies, if you’re considering bleaching, let it not be to catch eyes of a white dude, ever heard of unlike poles attract…..! Thank you. Funny enough, these guys rarely sit down in an entertainment joint. They prefer walking around, sipping tusker beer which they are so loyal to, or roaming while smoking in the neatly massaged compounds of secluded hotels that only attract the filthy rich. They clad in faded t-shirts and boring, short pants with over – hairy legs. Most of them are either chain smokers or so ill mannered.

You’ve watched Book of Negros movie. You sympathise with that black community being undermined due to their skin colour and forced to do grueling labour with no pay. That slavery mindset is creeping back in a very subtle way. Africans are being manipulated. Their belief of Africans has not shifted. I work in an environment where I interact with many of them and I know how they pay their staff vis -a – vis one of their own with hardly good qualification. Young ladies are even more exposed and more susceptible.  Females want quick cash but to get it, they’re compelled to do nasty stuff. Modern slavery is real!  I know there are hospitable and nice white guys though. Some of them are my clients in my day job. Pat on the back for them.

Local chaps are a distraught lot. Forced to up their game in this world of dating. How they wish these whites guys would be flown back in earnest.  Digging deeper in your pocket to impress a lady is never a cup of tea for many. Too bad.

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